What a horribly awkward Skype conversation. She couldn't just come out and say it--even after turning off the video. "Involved"? I never recognized that word for the heart-breaking euphemism it is.
I suppose I shouldn't have kept carrying along in our vague, undefined status quo. I'd pretend I was indifferent too after each time she'd clam up and refuse to talk whenever I'd try to establish where all this time we spent traveling the world together might lead. As long as we had imminent plans to meet up in yet another country it seemed to work. I'd convince myself I wasn't invested either, my head somehow keeping my heart in check. But, I guess I couldn't continue to delude myself how well it smarted when, after this awkward, unexpected conversation, any connection we had was starkly, suddenly over.
Knowing that she has tangibly moved along has left me low--no way to supress or deny what I felt any longer.
Sad as I am she won't be a part of my future, I guess I'm not wanting for direction. I have a ticket back east leaving on Wednesday. Then, I begin classes back in Quebec City at the end of the month.